I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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