dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
