he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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