you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
