You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
