She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
