My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
