So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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