just come out here and I will go home with you...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
