Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize