Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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