I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
