and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
