Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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