We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize