Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
