as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
