Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
