i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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