My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
