so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
