i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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