what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
