Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
