if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
