if you like me you must not know who I am
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
