I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
