In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
