Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
