did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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