That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
