when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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