Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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