I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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