just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
