So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
