i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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