the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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