I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
