I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
