I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
