do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
