A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
