I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
