so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
