We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
