As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
