I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
