Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
