the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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