i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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