6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
