there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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