oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the day after is always just damage control
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
