We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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