Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
