Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
