Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
