you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
