Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
