cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
