What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
