I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
