What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
