She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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