Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize