The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
