he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
