Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
