I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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