I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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