Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
