Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't deserve a penis
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
