Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
