Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
