its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
