i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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