I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
