So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
