Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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