Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
