You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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