My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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