Porn is love you can see.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
