Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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