You made me cry and you don't even care
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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