i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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