you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
