omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
