I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
