Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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