If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
