Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
