So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
